So a few weeks ago I started coming out to people as queer, I’d always known what I was and had simply not made an issue of it, letting people make assumptions about who I am, and how I feel about certain things.
At the time I was stressed and trying to cope with a lot of internalised pressures, and I honestly just needed a release something I’d been holding inside for a very long time, so I came out to my sister initially, and then to others whom I felt comfortable sharing this with.
It has been both scary as fuck, and rewarding as hell, but I also haven’t explicitly come out to anyone I don’t feel comfortable with until now, so that has made it easier, and there are people who if they find out organically then that’s fine. And that’s not to say I’ve come out to everyone whom I’m comforable with, but there is no right way or wrong way to do this, and I’m struggling sometimes to find the words to tell everyone individually, so that’s how I’ve arrived here, with this post on my oft neglected blog.
The phrase queer can be used to cover a lot of ground, but in my case I identify as panromantic asexual, with the first part meaning that I can love someone in a romantic way regardless of their gender identity, and asexual meaning I feel little to no sexual desire or attraction.
It’s been really hard to reconcile the asexual side of my nature with the world in whichy we live in, which pretty much everything is sexualised to some extent, and it is that which has held me back for so long in coming out, being scared of being judged because I feel differently about things that a lot of people just take for granted.
I’ve known for probably over a decade that this is who I am, but I didn’t have the language or context to adequately describe it until relatively recently, and even then, fear held me back from outing myself.
But this past year has been one of personal development for me, through therapy I’ve been learning to accept myself as I am, the good, and the bad, and through the journey I’ve gained a measure of understanding for why certain aspects of my personality are the way they are, and accepted that I have been through a lot of things that have left their mark on me.
In the end, I just want to be accepted as I am, and the first stage of that for me, was to accept myself, flaws and all.
In closing I just wanted to express my gratitude for those people who have shown me a lot of love and support recently, it has made finding the courage to take the next steps so much easier.
And if you made it through this to here, thank you.